The Three Words That Saved My Life | Blake Mycoskie | TED

When I started TOMS Shoes, I lived on a When I started TOMS Shoes, I lived on a 45-ft sailboat in Marina del Rey. 45-ft sailboat in Marina del Rey. 45-ft sailboat in Marina del Rey. I didn't have much, a few bags of I didn't have much, a few bags of I didn't have much, a few bags of clothes, a bike, a surfboard, and a clothes, a bike, a surfboard, and a clothes, a bike, a surfboard, and a laptop. laptop. laptop. That was it. That was it. That was it. And those were some of the happiest And those were some of the happiest And those were some of the happiest years of my life. years of my life. years of my life. I woke up to the ocean rocking me. I I woke up to the ocean rocking me. I I woke up to the ocean rocking me. I made coffee barefoot. made coffee barefoot. made coffee barefoot. I felt clear, I felt clear, I felt clear, inspired, inspired, inspired, and alive. and alive. and alive. Now, Now, Now, let's fast forward 20 years. let's fast forward 20 years. let's fast forward 20 years. TOMS had become a global brand. TOMS had become a global brand. TOMS had become a global brand. Our one-for-one model had given over 100 Our one-for-one model had given over 100 Our one-for-one model had given over 100 million shoes to children in need around million shoes to children in need around million shoes to children in need around the world. the world. the world. And personally, I had made more money And personally, I had made more money And personally, I had made more money than I ever thought was possible. than I ever thought was possible. than I ever thought was possible. And yet, And yet, And yet, 23 23 23 months ago, months ago, months ago, I had become so lost, I had become so lost, I had become so lost, so hopeless, so hopeless, so hopeless, and so depressed, and so depressed, and so depressed, that I made a plan to end that I made a plan to end that I made a plan to end my life.

And I chose that boat And I chose that boat as the place to do it on. Not because I wanted to die there, Not because I wanted to die there, but because I didn't want my family but because I didn't want my family but because I didn't want my family to be the ones who found me. Knowing that I was going to say that Knowing that I was going to say that today, here on the stage, is definitely today, here on the stage, is definitely today, here on the stage, is definitely the hardest part of preparing the hardest part of preparing the hardest part of preparing for this talk. >> Thankfully, I did not act on that plan. >> Thankfully, I did not act on that plan. Instead, Instead, Instead, I reached out to my friends and my I reached out to my friends and my I reached out to my friends and my family, and I told them the truth. family, and I told them the truth. family, and I told them the truth. Not that I was stressed, not that I had Not that I was stressed, not that I had Not that I was stressed, not that I had lost my purpose. I told them I wasn't lost my purpose. I told them I wasn't lost my purpose. I told them I wasn't okay. okay. okay. And that decision And that decision And that decision saved my life. I then met an incredible psychiatrist I then met an incredible psychiatrist who helped me really slow down who helped me really slow down who helped me really slow down and understand how I got there.

and understand how I got there. and understand how I got there. Not just what I was feeling, but why. Not just what I was feeling, but why. Not just what I was feeling, but why. We then spent 5 months We then spent 5 months We then spent 5 months weaning me off four different weaning me off four different weaning me off four different medications I had been put on when I was medications I had been put on when I was medications I had been put on when I was misdiagnosed misdiagnosed misdiagnosed as bipolar. as bipolar. as bipolar. 5 months. And during that time, the 5 months. And during that time, the 5 months. And during that time, the anxiety anxiety anxiety did not get better, it got worse. did not get better, it got worse. did not get better, it got worse. And the racing thoughts in my head And the racing thoughts in my head And the racing thoughts in my head almost became unbearable. almost became unbearable. almost became unbearable. But eventually, my mind started to But eventually, my mind started to But eventually, my mind started to settle settle settle and something became impossible to and something became impossible to and something became impossible to ignore. ignore. ignore. There was a core wound There was a core wound There was a core wound underneath it all. underneath it all. underneath it all. A very very old one. A very very old one. A very very old one. And it said this, "You And it said this, "You And it said this, "You are not enough." The truth is, The truth is, I had never felt that I was enough.

I had never felt that I was enough. I had never felt that I was enough. Not as a kid, Not as a kid, Not as a kid, not as an athlete, not as an athlete, not as an athlete, not as a founder, not as a founder, not as a founder, not as a human. not as a human. not as a human. And when I looked honestly at my life, And when I looked honestly at my life, And when I looked honestly at my life, I saw something that was really painful. I saw something that was really painful. I saw something that was really painful. Everything I had done for the first 48 Everything I had done for the first 48 Everything I had done for the first 48 years years years was an attempt was an attempt was an attempt to earn my worth. to earn my worth. to earn my worth. Becoming a championship tennis player, Becoming a championship tennis player, Becoming a championship tennis player, starting multiple businesses, starting multiple businesses, starting multiple businesses, building Toms and becoming the poster building Toms and becoming the poster building Toms and becoming the poster child of conscious capitalism. child of conscious capitalism. child of conscious capitalism. I mean, there were the magazine covers, I mean, there were the magazine covers, I mean, there were the magazine covers, the stages, just like this one, the stages, just like this one, the stages, just like this one, the awards and the accolades because I the awards and the accolades because I the awards and the accolades because I believed believed believed that achievement would quiet that voice. that achievement would quiet that voice. that achievement would quiet that voice. Instead, Instead, Instead, it made it louder. it made it louder. it made it louder. And it got so loud inside my mind And it got so loud inside my mind And it got so loud inside my mind that I didn't want to be alive anymore.

that I didn't want to be alive anymore. that I didn't want to be alive anymore. But one day, But one day, But one day, during a deep healing session during a deep healing session during a deep healing session with my therapist, something finally with my therapist, something finally with my therapist, something finally shifted. shifted. shifted. I began to see my life not as a success I began to see my life not as a success I began to see my life not as a success story, story, story, but as a strategy. but as a strategy. but as a strategy. A strategy to earn worth. And when that strategy failed, And when that strategy failed, my whole world my whole world my whole world had collapsed. had collapsed. had collapsed. So, my therapist suggested something one So, my therapist suggested something one So, my therapist suggested something one day that honestly sounded ridiculous at day that honestly sounded ridiculous at day that honestly sounded ridiculous at first. first. first. He said, "Blake, for over 40 years, your mind has been for over 40 years, your mind has been telling you that you're not enough. telling you that you're not enough. telling you that you're not enough. So, you are going to live with this So, you are going to live with this So, you are going to live with this limiting belief the rest of your life limiting belief the rest of your life limiting belief the rest of your life unless we reprogram unless we reprogram unless we reprogram your subconscious your subconscious your subconscious and rewire your neural pathways." and rewire your neural pathways." and rewire your neural pathways." So, we made a commitment.

So, we made a commitment. So, we made a commitment. For the next 40 days, I would wake up For the next 40 days, I would wake up For the next 40 days, I would wake up every morning, immediately sit up in every morning, immediately sit up in every morning, immediately sit up in bed, bed, bed, and repeat one sentence over and over and repeat one sentence over and over and repeat one sentence over and over again again again for 20 minutes for 20 minutes for 20 minutes with my eyes closed. I am enough. I am enough. I've always been enough. I've always been enough. I've always been enough. And then before going to bed later that And then before going to bed later that And then before going to bed later that night, night, night, I would do it again. I would do it again. I would do it again. I am enough. I am enough. I am enough. I've always been enough. I've always been enough. I've always been enough. 20 minutes in the morning, 20 minutes in the morning, 20 minutes in the morning, 20 minutes at night for 40 days. 20 minutes at night for 40 days. 20 minutes at night for 40 days. Now, Now, Now, the first few weeks honestly were the first few weeks honestly were the first few weeks honestly were brutal. brutal. brutal. 20 minutes felt like 2 hours. 20 minutes felt like 2 hours. 20 minutes felt like 2 hours. And the whole practice felt so trivial. After 3 weeks, After 3 weeks, I didn't feel any different.

I didn't feel any different. I didn't feel any different. So I almost quit and changed therapists. But I was so damn desperate to feel But I was so damn desperate to feel better better better and nothing else had worked, and nothing else had worked, and nothing else had worked, so I decided to stick with it. And on the 28th day, around there, And on the 28th day, around there, I was sitting up in bed saying the words I was sitting up in bed saying the words I was sitting up in bed saying the words and all of a sudden I felt almost like and all of a sudden I felt almost like and all of a sudden I felt almost like an electric shock go through my body and an electric shock go through my body and an electric shock go through my body and a lightness and a peace I had never a lightness and a peace I had never a lightness and a peace I had never felt. felt. felt. And what had been a generic mantra for And what had been a generic mantra for And what had been a generic mantra for the past couple weeks actually felt the past couple weeks actually felt the past couple weeks actually felt true. true. true. I am enough and I always have been. I am enough and I always have been. I am enough and I always have been. Not because of what I've done, Not because of what I've done, Not because of what I've done, not because of what I've built, and not because of what I've built, and not because of what I've built, and definitely not because of what the world definitely not because of what the world definitely not because of what the world thinks of me, thinks of me, thinks of me, but just because I exist. but just because I exist. but just because I exist. Thank you. and when that stopped being something and when that stopped being something that day that I said out loud and that day that I said out loud and that day that I said out loud and something I felt in my body, everything something I felt in my body, everything something I felt in my body, everything changed.

changed. changed. I simplified my life again, I stripped I simplified my life again, I stripped I simplified my life again, I stripped away the noise, away the noise, away the noise, and I stopped performing. and I stopped performing. and I stopped performing. And I realized this, And I realized this, And I realized this, if I if I if I could spend decades trying to earn my could spend decades trying to earn my could spend decades trying to earn my worth, worth, worth, and if I could almost lose my life and if I could almost lose my life and if I could almost lose my life trying to earn it, trying to earn it, trying to earn it, then this wound then this wound then this wound is is is everywhere. everywhere. everywhere. And no one And no one And no one is immune to it. is immune to it. is immune to it. Right now, Right now, Right now, when someone experiences anxiety, or when someone experiences anxiety, or when someone experiences anxiety, or depression, or a mental illness, we depression, or a mental illness, we depression, or a mental illness, we treat it like a shocking failure. treat it like a shocking failure. treat it like a shocking failure. Like something went wrong. Like something went wrong. Like something went wrong. But think about physical illness. But think about physical illness. But think about physical illness. We expect it. We expect it. We expect it. We expect colds. We expect broken bones. We expect colds. We expect broken bones. We expect colds. We expect broken bones. We plan for them. We talk about them. We plan for them. We talk about them. We plan for them. We talk about them. But mental illness, But mental illness, But mental illness, we whisper.

we whisper. we whisper. We isolate. We isolate. We isolate. We pretend that we are fine. We pretend that we are fine. We pretend that we are fine. And I'm telling you that silence is And I'm telling you that silence is And I'm telling you that silence is deadly. deadly. deadly. I almost became part of a statistic not I almost became part of a statistic not I almost became part of a statistic not because I was weak, because I was weak, because I was weak, but because I was too ashamed but because I was too ashamed but because I was too ashamed to tell my friends to tell my friends to tell my friends how I was really doing. Today, I'd like to ask everyone here two Today, I'd like to ask everyone here two questions. Please, raise your hand if you have ever Please, raise your hand if you have ever broken a bone. Thank you. Thank you. So, looks like about 40% of the room, So, looks like about 40% of the room, So, looks like about 40% of the room, which is interesting cuz that's what my which is interesting cuz that's what my which is interesting cuz that's what my dad said, who's actually an orthopedic dad said, who's actually an orthopedic dad said, who's actually an orthopedic surgeon, said it would be. surgeon, said it would be. surgeon, said it would be. So, he got that one right. So, he got that one right. So, he got that one right. A harder question now. A harder question now. A harder question now. If you've ever been diagnosed with If you've ever been diagnosed with If you've ever been diagnosed with severe anxiety, severe anxiety, severe anxiety, depression, bipolar disorder, or a depression, bipolar disorder, or a depression, bipolar disorder, or a mental health condition, mental health condition, mental health condition, would you please raise your hand?

Thank you for your bravery. Thank you for your bravery. Notice Notice Notice a lot fewer hands went up. a lot fewer hands went up. a lot fewer hands went up. But according to the US Department of But according to the US Department of But according to the US Department of Health, Health, Health, we should have seen about the same we should have seen about the same we should have seen about the same number of hands number of hands number of hands for both questions. for both questions. for both questions. In fact, In fact, In fact, 50% 50% 50% of all people will be diagnosed with a of all people will be diagnosed with a of all people will be diagnosed with a mental health condition during their mental health condition during their mental health condition during their lifetime. lifetime. lifetime. So why do we plan for one and are So why do we plan for one and are So why do we plan for one and are ashamed of the other? ashamed of the other? ashamed of the other? What if we expected mental illness the What if we expected mental illness the What if we expected mental illness the same way we expect physical illness? same way we expect physical illness? same way we expect physical illness? When you expect it, you're less ashamed When you expect it, you're less ashamed When you expect it, you're less ashamed when it arrives. when it arrives. when it arrives. You reach out sooner. You reach out sooner. You reach out sooner. You get help faster. You get help faster. You get help faster. And fewer people die. And fewer people die. And fewer people die. This is not abstract. This is not abstract. This is not abstract. The research is absolutely clear. The research is absolutely clear. The research is absolutely clear. Talking about how you're really doing Talking about how you're really doing Talking about how you're really doing with at least one person greatly reduces with at least one person greatly reduces with at least one person greatly reduces suicide risk.

suicide risk. suicide risk. Silence Silence Silence does not protect us. does not protect us. does not protect us. It isolates us. It isolates us. It isolates us. Shame Shame Shame creates silence. creates silence. creates silence. Silence Silence Silence creates creates creates isolation. isolation. isolation. Isolation Isolation Isolation creates risk. I know because I lived creates risk. I know because I lived creates risk. I know because I lived that chain reaction. that chain reaction. that chain reaction. And now And now And now I'm dedicating my life I'm dedicating my life I'm dedicating my life and my resources to starting a new and my resources to starting a new and my resources to starting a new chain. chain. chain. It's called the We Are Enough Giving It's called the We Are Enough Giving It's called the We Are Enough Giving Chain. Chain. Chain. It started with me creating a simple It started with me creating a simple It started with me creating a simple beaded bracelet to wear every single day beaded bracelet to wear every single day beaded bracelet to wear every single day as a reminder to myself that I am as a reminder to myself that I am as a reminder to myself that I am enough. enough. enough. But then I realized something. But then I realized something. But then I realized something. The real power of this bracelet was not The real power of this bracelet was not The real power of this bracelet was not wearing it myself. wearing it myself. wearing it myself. It was sharing it with someone I love. It was sharing it with someone I love. It was sharing it with someone I love. So that they would know So that they would know So that they would know every day every day every day that I got their back.

that I got their back. that I got their back. That they're not alone. That they're not alone. That they're not alone. That we are all enough. That we are all enough. That we are all enough. And today And today And today the way it works is simple. the way it works is simple. the way it works is simple. Every person that is given an enough Every person that is given an enough Every person that is given an enough bracelet bracelet bracelet we ask them to send it to just one more we ask them to send it to just one more we ask them to send it to just one more person. person. person. Now I'd like to ask you to do something Now I'd like to ask you to do something Now I'd like to ask you to do something with me real quickly. with me real quickly. with me real quickly. Please close your eyes. Please close your eyes. Please close your eyes. And I'd like you to think of the one And I'd like you to think of the one And I'd like you to think of the one person in your life right now person in your life right now person in your life right now that could use this message. that could use this message. that could use this message. Or Or Or think of the one person in your life think of the one person in your life think of the one person in your life that has always made you feel enough. Okay, open your eyes. Okay, open your eyes. I ask that you take 60 seconds and send I ask that you take 60 seconds and send I ask that you take 60 seconds and send one to that person. one to that person. one to that person. Because if we all take this simple task Because if we all take this simple task Because if we all take this simple task and wear these bracelets, I believe we and wear these bracelets, I believe we and wear these bracelets, I believe we will see a reduction in suicides and an will see a reduction in suicides and an will see a reduction in suicides and an improvement in our collective mental improvement in our collective mental improvement in our collective mental health. And here is why.

health. And here is why. health. And here is why. When you do not feel enough When you do not feel enough When you do not feel enough you are constantly living in the past. you are constantly living in the past. you are constantly living in the past. Obsessing over the mistakes that you've Obsessing over the mistakes that you've Obsessing over the mistakes that you've made and the shame and the guilt you made and the shame and the guilt you made and the shame and the guilt you carry because of them. carry because of them. carry because of them. And also, when you do not feel enough And also, when you do not feel enough And also, when you do not feel enough and very much like me, you're constantly and very much like me, you're constantly and very much like me, you're constantly living in the future. living in the future. living in the future. Thinking what can I do, achieve, or Thinking what can I do, achieve, or Thinking what can I do, achieve, or obtain to finally feel enough? obtain to finally feel enough? obtain to finally feel enough? But when you start your day and you But when you start your day and you But when you start your day and you ground your day in the fact that you are ground your day in the fact that you are ground your day in the fact that you are already enough just as you are, already enough just as you are, already enough just as you are, you get to live in the present. And almost every spiritual teacher And almost every spiritual teacher throughout all of history agrees on only throughout all of history agrees on only throughout all of history agrees on only one thing and that is the only place we one thing and that is the only place we one thing and that is the only place we can access peace and joy consistently is can access peace and joy consistently is can access peace and joy consistently is in the present moment. in the present moment. in the present moment. Now, Now, Now, when you wear this bracelet, you are when you wear this bracelet, you are when you wear this bracelet, you are helping to destigmatize mental health.

helping to destigmatize mental health. helping to destigmatize mental health. But I would say it's much more personal But I would say it's much more personal But I would say it's much more personal than that. than that. than that. When you wear this bracelet, you're When you wear this bracelet, you're When you wear this bracelet, you're sending a signal. A signal to those sending a signal. A signal to those sending a signal. A signal to those around you that says, "You can talk to around you that says, "You can talk to around you that says, "You can talk to me. me. me. You can tell me how you're really You can tell me how you're really You can tell me how you're really doing." doing." doing." And just that And just that And just that is proven is proven is proven to save lives. to save lives. to save lives. Now, Now, Now, my vision my vision my vision is not just about a bracelet. is not just about a bracelet. is not just about a bracelet. It's about a world where we stop hiding. It's about a world where we stop hiding. It's about a world where we stop hiding. It's about a world where we expect It's about a world where we expect It's about a world where we expect mental illness and respond in care mental illness and respond in care mental illness and respond in care instead of shame. instead of shame. instead of shame. And it's about a world And it's about a world And it's about a world where we tell each tell each other how where we tell each tell each other how where we tell each tell each other how we're really doing. we're really doing. we're really doing. Cuz honest conversation Cuz honest conversation Cuz honest conversation saves lives. saves lives. saves lives. I'm here today I'm here today I'm here today because I reached out. because I reached out. because I reached out. I'm also here because someone listened. I'm also here because someone listened. I'm also here because someone listened. And I'm so, so thankful And I'm so, so thankful And I'm so, so thankful to be here today to be here today to be here today to share this with you.

You are not broken. You are not broken. You are not weak. You're not alone. You're not alone. You You You are enough. are enough. are enough. And you always And you always And you always will be. will be. will be. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. >> [applause]